Read Me
by hwyaden
Summary: Argh I hate writing summaries. Just read it if you Doctor Who. Ok?
1. Beer and Quantum Theory

**Beer and Quantum Theory**

_**Hallo all, hope you enjoy my weird story that begins here. I've wanted to write a Doctor Who story for ages, but what can I say...being in 6.1 with AS levels coming up is very stressful! This is only the first chapter so there's not much of mine and the lovely BBC's favourite romance; the Doctor and Rose. It will begin soon, no worries. If it was up to me completely and I didn't want this to be an in anyway decent story, they would be together from the start. But no, they'll have to put up with their secret passions and hormones for a bit longer. I'm so cruel, haha. Just a quick explanation of the formatting: a bold name followed by normal text is what that person is thinking. -normal text is dialogue. It shouldn't be too complicated, should it? Have fun...**_

**Jacky - **That's it, I've had enough. I raised that girl single-handed for 19 years didn't I? I've loved her and cared for her completely since she was born, right? Then after spending half my life at her beck and call, she just runs off with a man she's only just met, who's far too old for her, and just happens to be a bloody alien! Left me in the lurch, and poor Mickey too. She doesn't deserve a nice lad like that, leading him on then running off. She didn't even say when she'd be coming back, but she'd better do and apologise to us. It's been nearly a year already, and all I've had is a couple of phone calls full of static and her saying everything was fine and she had to be quick because the Doctor was waiting... It's always the Doctor. Hang on, what's that noise? I've heard it before...ages ago. A weird whining noise coming from the carpark...that's it! It's that old blue box, the one that the Doctor had. Rose is back! Have to get Mickey, I have to see her. My daughter, at last.

**Rose - **Well I'm back home again, but I'm not sure if it was a good idea coming back. I mean, I missed Mum and it's great to see her again, but she's making such a _fuss_. She should know how unreliable the TARDIS can be time-wise after last time when the Doctor accidentally brought a Roman gladiator arena ahead to 2005 with us. And you thought those fights on the History Channel were just actors in togas, right? Believe me there were film crews swarming round the estate all week while he worked out how to send them back. He and Jack came out to meet Mum when we arrived, and you should have seen her face when she thought I was with Jack - he's hot, youngish and is actually human so she must have been relieved untill about 5 seconds later when I corrected her. Sure Jack's nice, but I know him so well that he seems like a brother to me, and anyway he's far too randy for my tastes - I don't want to be just another conquest. He and the Doctor have buggered off and left me for the night, something that I'll never ever forgive them for. Mum just stopped in the middle of her tirade against the Doctor, me, and for some reason, Royal Mail to heave on a fag and make some tea. I can text the Doctor then; he's probably over in The Eagle downing pints while trying to explain quantum theory to 'Boxer' Jones. I miss him already.

**the Doctor - **It couldn't be that hard for this little ape to get its head round quantum, could it? It's one of the most important theories in human Physics and the guy thought I was talking about a new kind of washing powder! To think they haven't even managed a simple intergalactic space voyage yet...poor things. Heads up, my phone just beeped at me, and it's from Rose:

whats up doc,how cld u + jack leave me like that?mum is vry pissed off but mite calm down swn.save me!xxxRose

Haha, I'd better tell Jack that I'm leaving. Where is he?

-Oi, Jack. I'm leaving.

-What?Already? I was gonna watch the match with Katie...

-Who's Katie? What match?

-You know, Katie. That cute redhead in the corner. Dunno what game it was, something to do with carpets...rugs, maybe?

-Rugby, Jack.

-Yeah, that was it. Look, why don't you go and I'll meet you in the TARDIS. Ok?

-Alright, alright. I wouldn't want to dissapoint the delightful Katie, would I? See you later.

So I finish my pint and left the pub alone. I think this area is what humans call a 'concrete jungle' - there must have been trees, grass and little fluffy rabbits here once, but now it's all grey and hard. I hope Jacky has calmed down by now, she's already slapped me before and I don't want a repeat experience. Maybe I'd better get her something, just to show willing? This corner shop looks alright...what would she like? Well I suppose she'd appreciate a packet of those disgusting cigarette things she's always got in her mouth, but maybe not anything that's got SMOKING CAN KILL YOU emblazoned onto it. Flowers? Nah...to soppy, I don't want her to get the wrong idea. Chocolate? Rose said once that her and Jacky both loved Cadbury Miniature Heroes, whatever they are. Alright I'll get her some of them...better ask the old guy behind the counter where they are, he's been watching me since I came in.

-Hi, um, do you have any Miniature Heroes?

-Yeah, over there. That'll be one pound seventy-five please.

-Alright...hang one a minute. There it is, a five pound 21st century british sterling note.

-...Yeah mate, I can see that. I'll get you your change. For the girlfriend, is it?

-No! No, just a friend...her mum.

-The mother? Well...good luck.

-What? No, I didn't mean _that_...

-Goodbye sir, hope to see you again.

Well I have to leave now don't I? The guy's sorting out his till, ignoring me. I've really got to get myself some local currency, I'm starting to run low on phycic paper... Passing a clothes shop now, hey they've got leather jackets like mine! How much are they...fifty quid! Bloody hell I got this thing in Vladivostock,1933 I think it was. Cost me a goat and five pairs of shoes. How times change, right? Wait till Rose sees this, though. She rolls her eyes whenever she sees it on me, and I'm certain she tried to throw it into Mount Etna that time we visited. I'd better go I suppose, maybe Jacky has left. I bloody hope so.

**Jacky - **I do not believe that girl...the minute I leave the room she's at it again, texting bloody _E.T_. She doesn't even care about me anymore, doesn't even _listen._ Oh she answers me when I ask her stuff, but I can tell it's just on automatic; her brain isn't even in the room. I see her, she keeps glancing at the door as if she's waiting for him to come in...and she's still holding her mobile in her lap.

-So who's that other one then, the American?

-That's Jack, Mum. He's human.

-Oh. He's not like _him _then? Nothing extra underneath?

-You mean, does he have two hearts like the Doctor? No, Mum.

-He's going to take you away from me again isn't he? You've been here half an hour and he's going to take you away again.

-No, Mum, no. I...I think he might be coming over. But just to see you. He can wait a few more hours... I'll stay, Mum.

**Rose - **Why isn't he here yet? I text him twenty minutes ago...God I'm such a cow, Mum looks so heart-broken. She knows I don't want to be here. How long can she expect me to stay here anyway, drinking tea and chatting about Cousin Marjorie's hip replacement? Wait, was that the door?

-Doct...

**Mickey - **Dammit she hasn't got ugly. If she had I might be able to stop thinking about her, but she's even more beautiful than before. She was mine once... Stop kidding yourself mate, she stopped being your Rose the minute she left with the Doctor that first time. Before that, even. Time to face up to it, you can still be friends can't you?

-Long time no see, Rose.

-Oh. It's you Mickey; sorry, I thought it was...someone else.

-She means that alien, you're not good enough for her anymore Mickey.

-Shut up, Mum. It's nice to see you.

-Thanks...you're looking well.

Oh yeah, great conversation starter. 'You're looking well'...argh, what's she suppose to say to that? The doorbell rings, luckily we don't have to sit in this awkward silence anymore. Rose jumps out of her seat and runs out of the room.

-That's probably the alien, she's been waiting for him. Didn't listen to a word I said all morning.

-The Doctor, you mean? She's leaving with him again?

-Yeah, and I'm going to have a word with him. She's wasting her life with that guy. Oh it's alright to go travelling for a couple of months, but it's time she got herself another job and settled down a bit.

-But do you think she wants to stay here?

-I'm sure she'll come to a sensible decision.

**the Doctor - **Right I've rung the bell; I really do hope she's not here...

-Doctor?

-Rose! Is your mother in? Please say no.

-Sorry, she is. Mickey, too.

-Ah. Is she going to slap me again? What're you laughing at?

-Oh, nothing...just, you seem so scared of my mum.

-Yeah, well. Even all-powerful Time Lords are scared of some things.

-Woose.

-Oi! Anyway, I've brought something sweet for her. She might decide to like me.

-Oooh Miniature Heroes! You've got the right thing to blackmail her with anyway...you'd better come in.

**Rose - **I can't believe the Doctor bought my mum chocolates...I mean, the last Time Lord arriving at the door holding a cheap selection box for your mother? Very weird. Well, weird but still kind of sweet. As long as mum doesn't prove immune to it and yell at him again.

-Mum? The Doctor's here...he's got something for you.

-Aha, you think you can just stride in here and lure my daughter away again...well not this time! How many other girls have you taken away from their families? I bet they're all girls, aren't they? You pervert! You're not taking her away from me again, never! She's staying here with people who love her...what's that behind your back? Answer me!

-Um, I got you these. I'm sorry for keeping her away so long. I can go if you'd like...If Rose would like to stay with her family...

-No Doctor, don't you dare leave me! How could you say all that to him Mum? He's saved my life dozens of times, hasn't let anything happen to me. He's saved this planet loads of time, without you even knowing it! Just see what he's brought you...aren't they your favourites?

-Oh, Miniature Heroes...thankyou. Um...will you stay for lunch? I suppose it's the least we can do.

-Well I'm not sure...there's some work on the TARDIS that need's doing...Jack'll be waiting...I don't really do domestic.

-Oh come on, Doctor. Jack's fine where he is. Just this once? It'll be fun won't it Mum, Mickey?

-Alright I'll stay. For you.

_**Tada! So this is how in my twisted universe, the 9th Doctor actually manages to do domestic - at least for a little while. Please excuse any bad spelling and grammer, It's all my fault and I'm very sorry. You can say bad things about it if you want, but I don't really care so I'll be annoying and keep posting. Please bear that in mind. I'd just like to say that I've read a few of the other Doctor Who stories on here, and am feeling a little out of my depth. If you want to make me happy, send me some Miniature Heroes.**_


	2. Give us a snog?

**Give us a snog?**

_**Good chapter title, right? This is short, but I thought it'd fit. I've no idea why I put some Paradise Lost in here...I'm studying books 1 and 2 for school and that bit was at the end of the notes. It's nice don't you think? Anyway I'm going to post these two chapters at the same time, so thanks for any reviews of either of them. Have fun.**_

**Mickey - **So the Doctor stayed and ate lunch with us, and 'did domestic' for once. Jacky was still kind of quiet, which is a once-in-a-lifetime event, believe me. She must still have been thinking about what Rose had said...that he'd saved our planet so many times, and still didn't let anything happen to her daughter. Or it might have been shock, when Rose told us about landing on alien worlds and seeing things that we'd never imagine even in our nightmares. She's so far away from me already, and is getting further. Hang on, she's started talking about seeing the end of the world...

-...of course we didn't have tickets, so the Doctor gave him a bit of psychic paper with his name on it, and I was his 'plus one'...

-Psychic paper? What's that when it's at home?

-Oh it's fanatstic, Mum. You only have to think about what you want to be on it, give it to someone, and they can read it. We can show you can't we, Doctor?

-What? Oh, yes. Here, Jacky. Read it.

-Alright. 'The world was all before them, where to choose

Their place of rest, and Providence their guide;

They hand in hand with wandering steps and slow,

Through Eden took their solitary way'.

Oh...

-That's beautiful, Doctor. What is it?

-Book 12 of Milton's Paradise Lost, lines six hundred and forty-six to six hundred and forty-nine.

-Mickey, Rose. Why don't you two clear up the plates? I'd like a quiet chat with the Doctor for a minute. Well go on, go!

**the Doctor - **I wonder what she wants a 'quiet chat' about? Maybe she got the point why I just quoted Milton at her...that I'll take care of Rose whatever happens to us and wherever we go.

-Jacky? What did you want to talk about?

-...You promise you'll never leave her? That I'll see her again?

-Of course. I promise.

-Do you love her?

-What? No! I...don't know. I was lonely before, then she came. I love her for that.

-Well just remember that her family is here. Not a billion light-years away on an alien planet...here.

**Rose - **What are they talking about? If she's trying to stop him letting me go, I'll walk out of here regardless. Maybe Mickey knows...

-Mickey? Do you know what's wrong?

-No. I've missed you Rose.

-Oh, so have I. Pass that bowl will you?

-Why do you keep leaving?

-Because...because...well, wouldn't you? I'm completely free, me and the Doctor and Jack. I've seen things you couldn't dream of...no-one on this bloody planet could ever dream of. I don't just want to stop...I can't.

-You in there Rose? We're going.

-Doctor! Alright, I'm coming...goodbye Mickey.

-'Bye.

-Goodbye Mum.

**Jacky - **Of course he loves her, I can see _that. _He just hasn't realised it yet. I can see it in his eyes when she moves, and that little smile that appears on his face whenever he says her name. I loved her dad like that, once.

-Goodbye darling. Don't forget about us will you?

-No, Mum. Of course not.

-Good. Doctor? Look after her. Please let my daughter come back to me some day.

-I promise.

**the Doctor - **Of course I'll protect her. Not only would I never forgive myself if anything happened to her, but Jacky'd skin me alive. Or set a Dalek on me.

-Suppose we'd better get back to the TARDIS, Jacks match should have finished now.

-Jacks match? What?

-He's been watching the rugby with a redhead called Katie.

-Probably Katie Jones; we were at school together. I seem to remember she'd go with anyone - even Jack.

-Ha! What about you?

-What?

-Would you go with Jack?

-No! He's like my brother. I would never...

-Oh.

-Come on, lets go. If you're so interested in Jacks love-life, he might tell you all the sordid details.

I'm not interested in Jacks love-life! He's told me the sordid details anyway, and believe me I did not want to know. I was just...curious. I mean she doesn't seem to be too bothered about Mickey anymore, and the birds all flock in Jacks direction anyway. Lucky sod.

Here we are, back at the TARDIS at last. I've had enough of humans.

**Jack - **Come on, come on! Just five more hits and I can complete the level! Yes, take _that _and _that _and...damn. Argh someone's put their hands over my eyes...

-Who's that?

-Guess.

-Now it can't be Rose cos you're visiting you're mum. So it must be my favourite Time Lord...

-It's not me, Jack. I'm on the other side of the room fixing some wiring.

-I don't believe you Doctor, I never knew you were such a flirt. Come on baby, give us a snog?

-Jack! Leave me alone! Get off me you bugger!

-Hey Jack, what's wrong with you? Did Katie not give you enough loving?

-Don't talk to me about Katie. How come all the good-looking human girls in 2005 have huge hefty fireman boyfriends called Kev, or Des, or Tim?

-I have no idea, Jack. Katie's with a huge hefty fireman? Were any of his friends there?

-Well...

-Come on you lot, I've had enough of Earth. I heard of a planet just off the Horsehead Nebula that's supposed to be nice this time of year. We're leaving.

_**I love that bit, can't you just imagine Jack coming on to the Doctor like that? Alright maybe it's just me, then. I hope my dialogue isn't confusing you all too much, you've got to use your imaginations. By the way, what did every one think of The Christmas Invasion? I was just about to comment how much he looked like Arthur Dent, when he said it! Ten seems good, but anyone else still missing Nine? Oh well... Chapter 3 should be up soon, but not until the weekend because school starts again on Thursday. What the hell is the point being in school for only two days? Grrrr.**_


	3. Spandex

**Spandex**

_**I cannot believe I've named this chapter Spandex. Have fun…**_

**Rose - **I'll never get used to waking up in the TARDIS; there doesn't seem to be any morning. I go to sleep to the sound of whirring and pulsing, and wake up to it too. The Doctor said before we went to Earth that he'd try and soundproof my room a bit, but since then he seems to have been avoiding me. I hope it's not because of whatever Mum said to him... We landed on Betelgeuse VII last night, so we can explore whatever this planet has to offer. Although by glimpse I had last night I'd say it was bog... Now Rose don't be a snob, you could still be stuck in London watching GMTV right now remember? Urgh I look awful, an extreme bed head and huge purple sacks under my eyes. I'd better crawl over to the shower, I suppose. Aaaah, lovely lovely hot water. Can anything be better than this? Better not answer that, I have such a sick mind. Right I'm dry, now what shall I wear? My trusty blue jeans, I think, and this top...no, maybe this top. Yes I look fine. Time for some food, god I'm so hungry... I cannot believe it, Jack's up and the Doctor isn't!

-'Morning, Jack.

-Hey, beautiful. Toast?

-Yeah please, ta. Where's...

-The Doctor? Still asleep. That's twelve hours straight so far, impressive.

-Mnphmph mph?

-Swallow, please.

-Is he alright?

-Seems to be, I shouldn't worry. He hadn't slept for 3 days, so he must have had to recharge those Time Lord batteries of his.

-Ah, well good.

**the Doctor - **She's awake, I heard her footsteps pass my door. What can I say to her? Sorry Rose you have to leave 'cos I'm falling more and more in love with you every day? Damn it, this isn't supposed to happen. My people always used to pick up companions for long solo journeys, it was a tradition. But while they just had them to bring a bit of life during long days in their TARDIS', I've gone and become _involved_, haven't I? I should never have asked her to come along in the first place, she should be having fun doing whatever human 21 year-olds do. You know what I mean, drinking too much and falling down stairs in high-heels, then getting off with strangers outside a club. Ok, I'd hate for my Rose to be getting off with strangers, but you get my point. She just shouldn't be stuck in the company of an old codger like me… Maybe I should get up, I'm starving. Bloody humans.

-'Morning all.

-Doctor! My, you're looking lovely this morning.

-Please Jack, just don't. Any more bacon floating around?

-Over there. I'm hurt, Doctor.

-I don't care mate. Rose?

-Mm...yes?

-You coming exploring later? The sights and sounds of Betelgeuse VII...

-As long as it's not all bog.

-But I thought you liked bog...

-What? If you've brought me to another planet like bloody Cartarinus...

-Joke, joke. We've just landed in a small one. Just outside Tatum-Riga.

-Tatum-Riga? Wonderful! I've had some good times there...happy days.

-Jack? What's with the leer? What's this place you're taking me too, Doctor?

-Ignore him, Rose. He probably got no further than the space-port.

-Ha! The space-port was good enough for me, want a guided tour Doc?

-Argh! Just shut up! Will someone please tell me where we're going? Not you, Jack!

-Look, Tatum-Riga is just a huge city - a metropolis. The biggest and busiest space-trading centre in this galaxy, to be exact. Think Hong Kong's busy with New York's big, and multiply that by about 10.

-Oh, great. Wonderful. I'm not really in the mood for getting lost in a gigantic city, Doctor. Not today.

-Don't worry, Rose. Look, you and me, we'll go up to the higher levels and pretend to be millionaires. We'll swan around the parks and order a posh lunch in The Blue Lagoon. Then I'll take you shopping... after that we'll go to the theatre and laugh at the real jet-set's smarmy comments... What do you think so far?

-Hmm, it's sounds as if you're making too much effort.

-Well you don't think I'd drag you around the famous red-light district, do you?

-No, Doctor. 'Cos you'd blush bright pink and stare at the floor.

-Not true...

-It is, too! That time me and him went to Old Amsterdam; like a little girl he was...

-Oi! Right! Jack, get out! Leave your bloody toast! Bugger off to your bloody space-port!

-Alright, alright I'm going. See you later, darling!

-Calm down Doctor, he's joking. 'Bye Jack, don't get shot or anything, ok?

-No worries. Just don't leave without me this time. Adieu, my beautiful Rose, and farewell.

-I'd swear he's getting worse.

-Hmph.

-Oh come on Doctor, don't go all jealous on me; you know Jack can't help being a horny twit. Give us a smile? Thank you, lovely. Actually, you need to brush your teeth.

-Do not.

-Yes, you do. Just 'cos you're a Time Lord doesn't mean you don't have to brush twice a day. You're worse than my cousin, you are, and he's six!

-Alright, alright. Anything to stop you nagging...

-What? Since when do I nag? Well, except for just now...

**Rose - **So, after finally getting the Doctor to improve his dental hygiene for the first time in 900 years - how come his breath never smells foul? Maybe he gets through a couple packets of Wrigley's every day, but I've never noticed. - we're ready to go out on the town and pretend to be millionaires. Not that I really know how millionairesses act, but I'll put on an irritating voice and a high-pitched, nasal laugh, so I might just get away with it. God I hate bogs...I really should have brought some wellies. Urgh.

-Can't believe I'm saying this to you, Doctor; but are we nearly there yet?

-Yes, nearly. Do you need a hand? You seem to be sinking in a lot.

-Oh, I'm fine. I'll just follow where you - ARGH!

-ROSE! Got you... are you alright?

-Yeah, course I am. It's only mud and water, anyway. But, um, thanks for catching me.

-Did you think I'd ever let you fall?

What's that supposed to mean? I've never seen him move as fast as when he went to grab my arm...Mickey never did that. Although I and Mickey never did go walking around bogs; it was mostly just getting off on his sofa. Not saying that wasn't fun, of course. Shut up, Rose. Oh god, stop staring at him, you gormless twit. Say something!

-Um.

Oooh yeah, girl. Smooth. Hang on, he's saying something. Just smile and don't open your mouth again.

-...and did you know that this bog is home to the very last population of wild black-tongued jumping froons left in the entire universe? We might even see one!

-Really? Wow...

-Yes, isn't it fantastic? But look, we've got to the edge. Now little ape, if you'd care to cast you're eyes this way...

-Bloody hell, will you look at that!

-Yes, welcome to Tatum-Riga. The Gateway to the Universe!

The sheer scale, and height, and I must admit, shininess of Tatum-Riga made me forget about him calling me a little ape, and by the time I'd remembered it wasn't really a good moment to yell at him. If anyone asks me to describe this city, it's just loud. The streets are heaving with every kind of species you can think of, all yelling at each other. There's some kind of market going on and giant pink spider-thing is behind a stall up ahead, shrieking at an 8 foot tall green skinned person in front of it. The TARDIS is translating everything for me, but obviously these two don't have that advantage.

-Look, what I'm trying to say is...

- How much is this?

-...that you have to pay for things here, you know. PAY.

-How much credit does it cost?

-...you know, with CREDIT?

-Why won't you sell it to me?

-Oh who am I kidding, you probably don't have any credit anyway. Look, here's a stale one, take it. Take the damn pie!

-Ah I don't need to pay? What a strange city...Goodbye kind creature!

-Bloody foreigners. Hey, what you lookin' at?

-Come on Rose; try not to stare, will you.

-_We are the champions, we are the champions, and Betelgeuse VI can thrash Betelgeuse VII at zero-grav footy any day! Wahey!_

-C'mon Rose, watch out for those footy supporters.

So I haven't got lost, and we finally get to the higher levels of the city. God they are high...the park that the Doctor's taken me to 'swan' about in is way above the clouds. There's a bunch of gorgeous aliens nearby, and the latest fashions in this area of the universe are quite worrying. Spandex leotards and fur, anyone? One guy keeps staring at us - no, hang on of course no-one stares in 'refined society', do they? - one guy keeps glancing bullets at us. An ugly git, he is. Grey skin and a pug-nose, too. He's probably the richest of them all; you seem to have to be either loaded or beautiful, or both to get up here. Unwritten rule, of course. Uh-oh, here he comes.

-May I assk, ssir, what iss your business in thiss park?

-Oh, nothing very important. We're just swanning about, you see.

-Ssswaning about? Do you know who I am?

-Nope, sorry mate. Care to fill us in?

-I am Ssssind-Arak. I own half of thiss fair city. And I will not put up with dissresspect from plebss.

-Well Sindy, I think that it _might_ just be a good idea to ask who _I _am before you continue. Just a suggestion, of course.

-I will call the guardsss...this is dissresspect...thiss had better be good, sscum.

-Well come closer, dear, and I shall whisper a secret in your ear...

What the hell is he doing? He's insane! Hasn't he seen those hulking great guards at the door? He'll get us thrown out and we'll end up as two stains on the pavement below. What's he saying anyway? And why does pug-nose suddenly look absolutely terrified?

-Ssire, pleasse believe me...I had no idea it was you. I will...I will leave you immediately...pleasse feel free to enjoy thiss park. Pleasse feel free to enjoy this city...sshe is yourss.

-Well now, I'm glad we cleared all that up. Lovely city you live in here...very vertical. By the way, anything good in the theatre tonight?

-Tonight iss the premier of a much anticipated productssion, ssire. A recent acquisition from Earth itsself, ssire. It iss called 'Domesstic Feline Dancing on a Heated Metal Ssky', ssire. I mysself will be there early; it iss all very exciting...

-Ah, well I think we might pass on that one. So many shows, and so little time, eh, Rose? Actually I think it's time for lunch, so we'll have to leave you, Sindy mate. Bye, now!

**the Doctor - **Well that was fun. Wish he wouldn't have grovelled at me, though. Hate grovelling...makes me want to hit them. Not that I _can _hit them, of course. I have a reputation to live up to. Rose looks like bulldog chewing wasps - well, whatever that looks actually looks like - so I'd better let her ask me some questions.

-Wine, Rose?

-Yes, please. Um, Doctor...what just happened?

-Well we came into The Blue Lagoon with no reservation, but you growled at the waiter so much that he gave us a table. This one.

-Oh shut up, will you? I meant, just now. In the park with Pug-Nose. What did you say to him?

-Oh I just told him you were an insane millionairess who bit, and that you owned half a _planet,_ therefore outranking him by miles.

-Get off, did you really?

-Nope. I hope you don't actually want to see that play, do you?

-I don't know, I didn't recognize the title.

-That was a bad translation of 'Cat on a Hot Tin Roof', and the play's bloody awful. I told Tennessee Williams to scrap it, but did he listen? No...bloody awful play.

-Ah, well that means there's not much chance of seeing it either way doesn't it. But what did you say to him before? He looked scared stiff!

-Nothing. Nothing important. Can we not talk about it?

-Spoilsport.

-What? Look, does a spoilsport do this? Doo-bee-doo-bee doo-doo-wop...

-Doctor, you prat! Put down those crabs claws! I don't care if you can make them dance or not, just put them down! Argh, get them off me! Ow! Ow! You're just a silly little man, you are.

She just called me a silly little man…she called me a man. I'm not, though, am I? I never will be, either.

-What's wrong, Doctor?

-Nothing! Stop asking me that!

-I'm…sorry, Doctor.

**Rose – **What did I do? One minute he's acting like an idiot, waving claws at me, and then he snaps at me for asking a simple question! What the hell is wrong with him today?

-Come on, Rose. We're leaving.

-Hang on a minute; I've got to powder my nose.

-What? Look Rose, if you can't speak bloody sense…

-Alright genius, I'll explain to you: I'm going for a piss. Plain enough for you? Wait there.

-…………………

Serves him right. Does he really expect me to act all sunshine and daisies to him, after he's completely ignored me for half the meal? No chance. Swearing at me is bad enough, but especially if he mutters it behind my back, in a language even the TARDIS won't translate for me. If he thinks he doesn't have treat me with some respect, for whatever reason, nor will I to him. Damn it I feel like slapping his stupid alien face.

-Oh good, you waited.

-Hmph, you took you're sweet time at any rate.

-Just shut up, will you.

-Fine. Just stay close to me on the street.

So now we're in the market again. It's busier even than before, and although I'm not really admitting this, I'm sort of glad I've got the Doctor to follow through the heaving crowd. The crowd has changed since this morning, when the tourists and locals were shopping. Now they all seem to have a weird haunted look in their eyes, and it's getting dark. The Doctor keeps glancing at me with a very guilty expression on his face.

-Rose, I'm sorry I snapped at you. I just…well, I'm sorry I lost my temper.

-It's alright…I shouldn't have…

Time for his patented big cheesy grin, and he slips his cold hand into mine.

-Glad that's settled then, we both acted like idiots. Me especially.

-Exactly. By the way, what was that language you muttered in back then? The TARDIS didn't translate it for some reason…

-That was Gallifreyan. I'm the only being in the entire universe that speaks it now, so there isn't much point having it translated, is there?

-Oh. No…I suppose not.

A thick crowd has gathered up in front of us, and they all seem to be looking the same way, towards some kind of stage. I can't see anything yet, but I can hear it.

-_Now Ladies and Gents, on the platform now are displayed lot #53. Two fine, healthy specimens is what is in front of you. Still young of course, so it's two for the price of one! But if you feed them up a bit, and train them well, you get yourself a fine pair of slaves. You see the matching coloured fur, Ladies and Gents? Very fashionable look in the high tiers, that is. So, I will begin at…1000 credits!_

It's now I notice the Doctor's expression; one of pure anger. This is no moody frown like in the restaurant. Now I can really see how dangerous he can be.

-Slaves? In Tatum-Riga? Never!

-Wait, Doctor. Wait for me!

So we run in, and the Doctor starts shoving through the crowd to right in front of the platform. By now the poor little Rowners have been sold, and are being led away. The auctioneer is just beginning a new lot.

-_Now then Ladies and Gents, this is a very interesting lot, as I'm sure you know! Our humble auction has been blessed! Truly blessed! How, you may ask? Well, because you see, lot #54 is a human! Yes, a human has come all the way from Earth to visit us! Of course as you know, humans haven't even managed a simple intergalactic space voyage, so how did this little ape get here, do you think? Well, it's a mystery! It refuses to tell me, so I am willing to sell it to the highest bidder! So how much will you pay for a strong healthy male, perfect body-guard material? Caught fresh this morning, and in excellent condition. Bring it up to the platform!_

So we watched as a chained Captain Jack Harkness was dragged up to face the jeering crowd.

**_Haha that was so obvious, wasn't it? Oh well, please forgive me – it just had to happen, I swear. Damn that was a long chapter. Well ok maybe it just feels that way to me typing. I'd also like to apologise to Tennessee Williams, wherever he is now, for dissing his play many times on the internet. It's just that I've just had write an essay on Cat for English Lit., and it nearly killed me. It really is a bloody awful play. What did you think of my stressed market stall alien? Yay ;D If you're lucky I might post chapter 4 tomorrow sometime…maybe._**


	4. Tea

**Tea**

_**Haha only a Brit would name a chapter that. Have fun.**_

**Jack - **Now this is not a good thing. Definitely not. I'm about to be sold as a slave in Tatum-Riga. Now I'm sure being sold as a slave is unpleasant anywhere, but it is common knowledge that before slavery was made illegal, the Tat-Rigans were known through the galaxy as the most brutal owners. They say that one slave-owner was so rich that instead of giving his slaves food when they were hungry, he worked them non-stop until they died of starvation, then just bought some more. Damn it Jack, you're in big trouble now...

-_So the bidding is at 3000 credits...3500 to you sir...4000. 4500...up to 5000 creds...6000 to the gentleman there...7000 creds. 7000 credits? Any advance on 7000?_

-7500 credits!

-_Thank you, sir...7500 creds...any advance on 7500? Alright, going...going...gone to another mystery human in our fair city. Unchain him, boys! _He's yours. If you'd like to hand over the creds…

-Fantastic, thanks you. Right all present and correct? Now run!

**Rose - **Well we managed to get back to the TARDIS, anyway. But it was a close thing.

-Did you see that brute nearly catch me, Jack? It actually grabbed my hair and all, but then it tripped on its on tail!

-No sorry, I missed it, seeing as I was trying to dodge what they were chucking at me. See that bruise, there? I'm certain one of the frying pans did that.

-Huh, you're lucky with a bruise. If we hadn't had found you…

-Yeah, who'd have though a so-called 'advanced civilization' would allow something like that? It's awful, I keep thinking of those poor little twin Rowners.

-Why so disgusted, Rose? The whole of the human Roman Empire was built on the back of slaves, not to mention the African Trade. It's been going on for centuries and on most planets round here.

-Well I was kinda surprised, seeing as I thought slavery'd been banned in Tatum-Riga. That was what I learned in school, anyway.

-Ah, we arrived a century too early. This city has a long way to go yet…

-Well great, but don't get it wrong again, will you? I thought for a minute there I'd be bought by that mine-owner.

-Oh Jack, poor you! I mean, anything could've happened to you. Could've broken a nail, even! Imagine!

-Look just 'cos I nicked your manicure kit once, Rose, doesn't mean you've got to keep on about it.

-I'm afraid she does, Jack. Plus, it's very funny.

-Oh great, you're ganging up on me again. You always take her side anyway, so how can I win anything? I'm going to bed, to try and recover from my harrowing experience that _you_ two seem determined to ignore. 'Night.

-Night Jack, don't let the bedbugs bite…

-Seriously, watch out. Remember Panual V?

-How could I forget?

So Jack retreated into his cabin, leaving the Doctor and me in companionable silence. Well saying that, the Doctor is under the control panel banging something with a hammer and I'm lying stretched on the sofa with my nose in a book. My nose is actually in the book 'cos it's so thick. It's one of the Doctors Earth History books, because I'm determined to find sometime and place interesting for us to go. Because it's written by some human near Alpha Centauri in about 2500 AD, it's got nearly five hundred of Earth Future to me. Note to self: Tell Mum not to go to Saudi Arabia in May 2024 – the oil runs out and there's a very bloody revolution. The incessant hammering is beginning to annoy me. I put down my book and roll over to watch him. Rose! You're staring at his backside again! Stop it.

-Finished the book already, Rose?

-Eh? Oh, right. No, not yet.

-But you've been reading the last four hundred and ninety-four pages, I'm sure.

-Well, yes. Couldn't resist. What are _you_ doing? Except messing around with that hammer.

-I never 'mess around' with hammers. The TARDIS is being a bit temperamental – have to make her better. It's nearly done.

-Good. I can't sleep with that hammering going on.

-Fancy a cup of tea before you drop off?

-Yeah, thanks. Milk, one sugar, remember.

-Of course I remember it by now. I'll bring it into you.

Now _this _is luxury. Me in my little nest of quilts, with some nice human music on, reading a copy of Cosmo. True, it's a year out of date and it's all very silly, but still. And the room just got a lot more interesting...

-You in here, Rose?

-Here, drowning in blankets. Tea! Ta.

-No problem. Can I come in? You've done a lot to the cabin, very human.

-Very human? What do you mean...it's my home, this is.

-Your home, Rose? This isn't...

-I've been travelling with you for two years now, spent about a week back in London altogether. It's home for me.

-Ah, well. Good.

-Doctor, um, can I ask about what you said to that that guy Sind-Arak? I mean, he looked scared shitless. Plus you suddenly turned from a pleb into 'sire'. Want to give a girl a hint?

-You won't like it. I'd rather not...

-I think I've heard enough in my life not to be too shocked. Except maybe by Jack's sordid love life...never again. Come on, Doctor. I'd rather know than be worrying about all for ages.

-Alright, I told him my name...well, the name I'm called on Betelgeuse VII at any rate. _Ranatusus _- Lord, Destroyer of All.

-Destroyer? But you...I mean, you don't do that. You save people -

-And when I'm not saving the Universe? I've watched magnificent civilisations crumble into chaos and anarchy. When I save someone, someone else falls. Death is with me _all the time_, and he's not such a great companion, believe me.

-You've told me this before, but you have to do it. So what if you always seem to run into trouble? You do save people, Doctor. Remember Jamie in War London? You said it, 'Everybody lives!' And they did, because of you.

-Look Rose, ever thought about what I did before I met you and blew up a shopping centre? I'd just been on Adgareeza. You wouldn't know about it, I left it as plague-infected war-zone. There were beings lying on the streets too weak to move, and the maniac dictator who was in charge of half a continent sent his troops in. It was a massacre, and I could do nothing about it. I left, and the guilt nearly tore me apart. Then I landed on Earth again...

-...and you found me.

-Yes, I found you. I'm so glad I did... What other music have you got on that thing of yours, then?

-Oh, lots of stuff. Have a look if you want, I'm just going to brush my teeth. Mind out, got to untangle myself from these blankets.

**the Doctor – **I shouldn't have told her. But shouldn't she know that I'm seen as a monster all over the universe? The Time Lords were always seen as messengers of chaos, and I'm the only one left. When I close my eyes I see everything, marching across the darkness. And she's the light; she makes me forget all the pain and suffering I've seen over the centuries. Damn it, if she would ever leave me...What's on this little music thing, then? Hmmm, weird human pop…aha, fantastic!

-Who's this then, Doctor?

-The Kinks, saw them in Glastonbury sometime during the 70's. Now that was a good gig. Where'd you get it from?

-Oh, Mickey was messing about with it last time I was in London. He must've left some stuff on. You went to Glasto?

-Yeah, a few regenerations ago now.

-Cool, I can imagine you up to your knees in mud. Can I change it to something else? How about Jack Johnson…

_Never knowing_

_We're shocking but we're nothing_

_We're just moments, we're clever but we're clueless_

_We're just human, amusing and confusing_

_We're trying but where is this all leading?_

_We'll never know_

-That's humans for you.

-Clueless? Just cos we've not managed inter-galactic travel yet…

-Nah, you'll get there. This is curiosity, that's what drives humans forward. The need to know how everything works, it's fantastic.

-That's why you like us so much?

-Yes…I suppose so.

_It's always better when we're together_

_We'll look at the stars when we're together_

-Goodnight, Rose.

**_Sorry about the cheating, people. Using the wonderful Jack Johnson to get them just in that frame of mind, instead of using my own words. Shocking. But it is lovely though; I'll leave it to your imaginations to think up what was happening during that last bit. Sorry this is relatively short, but had to sell Captain Jack and set the Doctor/Rose mood somewhere. How is everyone? Don't worry, just grin and bear it. Am in a philosophical mood tonight…what's the point of it all? Hmmm. Would you like to review? Mae Ffion wedi blino gyda'r bywyd hyn. Ond mae'r dyfodol yn dod, rhaid dal arno'n dyn. Caru ti. _**


	5. Some History

**Some History**

_**Yeah, here's your chapter. I'd just like to say a big thank you to SoapSudd, for your nice reviews. Sorry it took 5 chapters, but better late than never I suppose. Have fun.**_

**Rose - **JACK, WHERE ARE MY STRAIGHTENERS?

-NO IDEA! Why do you think I know, anyway? I'm not _that _bad.

-Well will you help me look for them, then?

-Alright, alright.

-Looking for something, Rose?

-Yes, you haven't seen my straighteners anywhere have you, Doctor? I left them in the control room last night...

-Um...what do they look like?

-Two long off-white bits hinged together, with ceramic plate-things on one end. Jack, for some reason I don't think they'll be in there.

-Only checking...

-Ah, well. You see I found them lying around last night, and I didn't think they were important. I needed some ceramic bits for the TARDIS transgenic regulatory drive...so I sort of took them apart. Sorry.

-YOU TOOK THEM APART? Do you know how much those things cost me? What am I going to do with my hair now? It looks awful.

-No it doesn't, it looks nice. Frizzy.

-Big mistake.

-FRIZZY!

-No! Um, blonde! Long and blonde. Nice. Look, you look fine without dead straight hair.

-Hmph.

-Come on, Rose. I'm sorry. I'll make you one of my Super Time Lord Bacon Butties... You know you can't resist that.

-Oh God, it's true. You're beautiful.

-Is that to me, or to the butty?

-Does it matter? Both - give it here!

-Fair enough. So, where do you fancy going today?

-Oooh, I heard about a good pleasure planet a few light-years from us...

-No pleasure planets, Jack.

-Yeah, all that neon makes my head spin.

-Like a couple of old maids, you are. What about some nice flowery history?

-What do you think, Rose? Fancy meeting Shakespeare?

-Oh bloody hell, not _Shakespeare_! Ancient history, men in tights, bubonic plague!

-No, Shakespeare! Sonnets, greatest playwright in history, 'If I were to compare you to a summer's day'. Let's go!

-The lady's decision is final. 16th century London, it is then!

-It's always the bloody lady's decision...

-I heard that, Jack.

**the Doctor - **So we're off to London again, to meet the great man himself. Just hope there's not too much plague about.

-Ok, we're here. Rose, you hair's fine! Nice skirt.

-Thanks. Here, give that a good tug, will you?

-Alright...What is it?

-Aargh! It's my goddamn corset, can't fit into any of these things without one. Torture, it is.

-Sorry! Can you breathe?

-Just about. Why aren't you in tights? If BBC costume dramas have taught me anything, men wore tights.

-Fat chance, I'm fine as I am.

-Well Jack is getting into the spirit of things, at least.

-What do you think guys?

-It...leaves little to the imagination, Jack.

-You like my codpiece? Yeah, all the rage back now. Sign of my masculinity. Doctor, what's your opinion?

-I'm trying not to look, thanks. Will we go out then? If we can find The Globe, there might be a play on.

-What's that stink? It's bloody awful, whatever it is.

-It's the river, I think. The city's sewer, and we've got here in the height of summer by the smell of it. Come on, if we stay away from the shoreline it might get better.

-Where is everyone, Doctor? Look, that pub's boarded up.

-Yeah, I'm sure we should have come across some comely wenches by now.

-I don't know...hey, boy!

-Yes, your worship?

-I'm not...where is everyone?

-They've all run away, sir.

-What? Everyone?

-Those with family in the country, sir. Or those with money enough to rent somewhere.

-So you don't?

-I do, sir. My mother and sisters have gone to Whitby. But I'm staying to rehearse.

-You're an actor?

-Yes, I am. I'm one of the Lord Chamberlain's Men. If you don't mind me asking, sir, where have you and your companions come from?

-The North. How's the plague this year?

-Bad, sir. They've closed the theatres to the public of course; and the Queen has moved out of the city. The body-collectors have been going out twice a day. It's not the safest place in the world.

-Ah, typical. You work with Mr. Shakespeare, do you?

-Yes, sir. Oh he's the greatest playwright in the city! So dedicated...he could have gone home to Stratford this summer, but has stayed to oversee his new play.

-Shakespeare's here? Can we meet him?

-I'm sure he would be delighted to meet you, my lady. Would you like to follow me?

**Rose - **Oh my God, I'm about to meet Shakespeare! If only I could have told my GCSE English teacher _this_.

-Here it is, sirs and Lady, the Globe Theatre! I must go and prepare for my rehearsal, but just go in there. Say Tom sent you.

-Thank you, Tom. I'm looking forward to seeing you perform!

-Well...thank you, my lady. I'd better go.

-Rose, how come wherever we go you always get fans? He was blushing so hard, poor lad.

-I've seen you blush worse than that, Doctor. But I suppose that was whatever Jack said, so no wonder...

-Well it's his fault for being such an innocent little schoolgirl!

-Doctor! Leave him! You're not starting a fight now!

-I was just going to punch him a little bit...

-Shhh, look!

-Now Cassius, will you try to remember not to turn downstage left? You'll collide with Portia if you do. Where the hell is Tom?

-Gone to the dressmakers over at the bridge for some pins and thread, Mr. Shakespeare.

-Well he shouldn't take this long...

-I'm here, sir! Sorry, I was stopped on the street. I've got the thread and everything!

-Well as long as you've learnt your lines.

-Oh yes, and I've brought some people to meet you, sir. Visitors from the North.

-Oh, yes? They won't find much to open to visit this summer. Welcome, anyway.

-Good afternoon, Mr. Shakespeare. These are my traveling companions, Miss Tyler and Mr. Harkness. I am the Doctor.

-Good afternoon to the three of you. Doctor...you aren't a Puritan, are you?

-No.

-Ah, good! It was the black, you see. Thought you might be here to curse me and my entire company to eternal damnation in the fiery pits of Hell. Been happening a lot these days.

-No, I'm not that. What is the play called?

-Aha, now seeing as you from out of town, I'll tell you about it. It is the tale of that hook-nosed fellow of Rome, whose remembrance yet lives in men's eyes, and will to ears and tongues be theme and hearing ever. Hmm, must remember that line for later. Anyway, the title of my brand new play is 'Julius Cæsar'. You're welcome to stay and watch our rehearsal, if you'd like.

-Yes, let's stay!

-I'm glad you would like to watch my humble play, my lady. But if you'd excuse me for a moment, someone has to organise this rabble of actors...

-Well if you're staying, I might go and see if I can find anything interesting to do. Some pubs might be open.

-Oh come on, Jack. None of the pubs'll be open cos of the plague. Plus, we're now going to see one of the first performances of on this fantastic play!

-Yeah, stay Jack! I'd never have picked you out as a theatre buff, Doctor.

-Yeah well, they pass the time on a long night. You needn't worry about the plague, by the way. The TARDIS injected you with something when you came on first, so you should be ok. Just don't touch any rats.

-Well that's good to know. What year is it, by the way?

-1599, the middle of July. On September the 21st, a Swiss traveler will record going to see a new play in the Globe, and people four hundred years in the future will see it as the first mention of it. But we're going to see it first!

-Doctor, I think I speak for everyone here when I say, please just shut up about it.

-Right you lot, Act 3, Scene 1. Please remember your lines, and try not to fall over too much this time. Begin!

-_The Ides of March are come._

-_Ay Cæsar, but not gone._

**Jack - **Is this nearly finished yet? I thought the scenes were supposed to be short... So some ancient human gets murdered, big deal. Rose and the Doctor seem to be fascinated, though. I notice they're holding hands again. Why don't they just go for it and put themselves out of their misery?

_-Great Cæsar-_

_-Doth not Brutus bootless kneel?_

_-Speak hands for me!_

_-Et tu Brute? Then fall Cæsar!_

-Bravo! Fantastic! Did you see, Jack? Didn't you think it was great?

-Oh, yes. Great.

-Mr Shakespeare! Fantastic!

-Well thank you, my lady. I'm rather pleased with it myself...

-HERETIC! GODLESSNESS AND BLASPHEMY LIVE IN THIS PLAY-ACTING! ALL OF YOU SHALL FIND YOUR RIGHT PUNISHMENT IN THE PITS OF HELL!

-Damn, we've got ourselves a Puritan. Ah, my lord, I'm afraid there is no play today! We are rehearsing!

-THE PLAGUE IS A BLESSING IF IT CLOSES DOWN THESE HOUSES OF SIN! GOD SHALL STRIKE YOU DOWN FOR THIS ENTERTAINMENT!

-Rose, stay away from him. Come here beside me, will you?

-HARLOT! WHORE! NO GOD-FEARING WOMAN WOULD FREQUENT THIS NEST OF DEVILS!

-Rose, run!

-Got you!

-Aaw, let go!

-STAY AWAY FROM HER...

-I wouldn't touch the slut, anyway. Here, she's yours.

-Please, my lord, you are disrupting out rehearsal...

-Just wait till this country sees sense; entertainments like this will be closed down permanently! PERMANENTLY!

-Well thank God he's gone, that's the third this week. Just as well those Puritans will never get power, they're insane.

-Really, well have you ever heard of a family called Cromwell?

-Jack! Ignore him. I think we'd better be going, Mr Shakespeare.

-Already? Well I hope you enjoyed that one scene of my play, I'm sorry about that damn Puritan, my lady.

-Oh, no. I'm fine. My Doctor caught me, again.

**_Hmmm I don't know about that chapter, it's a bit iffy in places in my opinion. Oh well, I'll probably edit it. That bit about Caesar's from Cymbelline, by the way. Hope you're all happy with your little lives. My little life is confusing me at the moment, but oh well. I don't where this is going, but I promise you it's going somewhere. Maybe. Hwyl._**


End file.
